What makes you cry? Really: what brings tears to your eyes?

Being able to cry is an awesome human ability, although many people (maybe you are one of them) do everything they can to avoid crying, attempting to push back the lump in the throat which often precedes the tears falling, then do whatever it takes to prevent those tears from continuing to fall.

We are born with tear ducts. The newborn baby’s first sounds are usually loud crying, with tears. Tears are natural, from the time we emerge from the womb. Crying is a release of energy, an expression of emotion – strong emotion, “overflowing” emotion. We are born to feel those strong emotions, those emotions that cause us to “overflow” – often with tears.

Bruce Lipton in his book “The Biology of Belief” describes his “heart orgasm” at the moment of discovering how our cells really work. He was overwhelmed with emotion; the best way he could describe it was a “heart orgasm”. Ellie Drake has described the role of the hormone oxytocin as the “prosperity hormone” for women. As Ellie was speaking about this “prosperity hormone”, she was expressing feelings of deep gratitude and overflowing joy with her evolving BraveHeartWomen community: she called her full joy a “SoulGasm”. My friends and I, in the midst of enjoying a concert with “Il Divo”, the four male singers who can take your breath away, often say we feel like we are having an “orgasm”. Like the excitement of good sex and having an orgasm with our lovers, there are moments in life when we are overflowing with emotions, feeling all kinds of “-gasms”. When we have these “-gasms”, we often feel moved to tears – tears of overwhelm, tears of fullness, tears of gratitude, and tears of recognition of a big truth and a big love all around.

A friend of mine spent all of yesterday crying lots of tears: it was her tenth anniversary…and her beloved husband had died six months ago – six months short of this tenth anniversary. She spent the day remembering their life together, the sweet and magical moments of their love and married life. She cried tears of sadness that her husband was no longer by her side, and yet…she cried additional tears, feeling that his spirit and his memory was right next to her, if not totally inside of her.

A few days ago, I officated at the marriage of a beautiful young couple: I joined their friends and family in crying tears of joy and fullness as this couple begins another chapter of their lives together. The bride couldn’t have been more beautiful and glowing as she walked down the aisle, and I felt that lump in my throat, pushing back the tears, since I had to maintain my calm composure as the clergy person in charge of their wedding ceremony. I needed to be able to see my notes, so I couldn’t allow the tears to get in the way of my clear vision. But I felt the tug. I felt that lump in my throat which told me that I was touched: by the sweetness and promise of this couple’s love. I also knew that I also felt my husband’s hand on my shoulder as I chanted the wedding blessings. It was my husband who taught me so much of what I do in that wedding ceremony. My husband’s memory became palpable as I stood beneath the chupah. Our 32 years of marriage flashed quickly past my memory, as this young couple stood in front of me, as I handed them the cup of wine to share, as I pronounced them to be husband and wife.

Sometimes the tears fall when we are afraid: they fall when we feel alone, afraid we might lose our health, or if our health is at risk, that we might lose our lives. We cry tears of sadness when we have feelings of desire and no partner with whom to share love and passion; we cry tears of bitterness when we feel regret for choices we have made that seem to have created our current reality, which is not the way we thought it would be.

One of my favorite Rabbis, Abraham Joshua Heschel, said that “tears are the lubricant for the heart” and that without allowing our tears to fall, we cannot heal, or celebrate, or grow.

You and I are born to cry, and to laugh. We are born to create each moment of our lives. We are born to feel the full range of emotions and to accept each moment as a perfect gift, whatever it is.

When it hurts, be grateful that you can feel whatever it is that hurts. Imagine not feeling anything at all…that would be like a walking deadness. I don’t know about you, but I would much rather feel the pangs and arrows that remind me that I am fully alive, able to feel the emotions that surge through my body, reassuring me that I am fully alive.

Do yourself a favor: if you feel like having a glass of wine or a martini, go ahead and enjoy it as a form of celebration. But…I urge you to avoid taking a drink or popping a pill just to “escape” feeling… Let yourself feel it all! Without the drugs.

Here’s a toast to your tears of sadness and joy; here’s to your “-gasms” of all kinds.

May you be overflowing with emotions that go along with being alive; overflowing with emotions that have no place else to go except through your tear-ducts into your tears that make your face all wet!

May you have the problem of mopping up the mess on your face!

Blessings,
Sheila

I NEED YOUR HELP!

As many of you already know, I am in the midst of completing my new book. The proposed title is “WRINKLED, AGELESS & SEXY–Creating Magical Moments Now After Now”

I need your help: I would like feedback on the title, and as I write about the book, giving you “samples” of what my message is, I want your feedback and dialogue, as well.

When I was having my chat with Randy Davila, publisher of Hampton Roads and Conari Press, he asked if I was willing to change my title. My answer was “of course!” But…before I rush to change anything, I want more feedback from YOU!

Although Randy didn’t tell me what he didn’t like about the title, but it might have been the word “WRINKLED”… I don’t know. What about you? Does that word make you feel a bit uncomfortable? I’m not sure if that is a “bad” thing…since one of my points in the book is for those of us with wrinkles to embrace them instead of wishing we could erase them. The wrinkles are a sign of having lived… It would look a bit strange to have arrived at my age, 69, and have NO WRINKLES…wouldn’t it?

Anyway…I’ve just set up a NEW BLOG, totally dedicated to the new book, whatever we finally call it. The Blog is called “AGELESS AND SEXY”, and I would love it if you would check in with my blog on a regular basis to keep up with what I’m up to:

http://agelesssexy.blogspot.com

In today’s post, I suggest that being sexy helps us grow and expand our spirituality. In order to be fully awake, to evolve our consciousness, we need to be engaged with all of our senses — all SEVEN of them… Yes! SEVEN! If any of them are “shut down”, we cannot be fully awake and aware. That includes our most powerful source of energy and sensuality, our sexuality. Whether or not you have a sexual partner, you can be sexy and sensual. It is about being willing to FEEL EVERYTHING!

You and I are designed to feel a full gamut of emotions, to be fully sensual beings, drinking in all that life has to offer us human beings who can engage with life with our five senses (if we are blessed to have all five), plus to engage with our sixth sense (our intuition), and finally to experience many dimensions of awareness and euphoria by opening our SEVENTH sense: the sensitivity and sensibility of “receiving”…

Stay tuned…as I write more about RECEIVING in future posts.

Blessings and smiles,
Sheila

Does today’s date have any significance for you? June 22, 2011… Well, it is exactly 18 months to December 22, 2012. Are any bells ringing yet? Have you been wondering about what everyone is buzzing about when they’re talking about 2012. Is it the “end of the world”? Is it really “end time”? There is a huge coalition of like-minded thought leaders who are calling this “BIRTH 2012″. Visionary Barbara Marx Hubbard, author of “Conscious Evolution” is the grandmother behind this powerful and exciting coalition of spiritual midwives.

According to the Mayan Calendar, it is the end of an age: an age of our human evolution; an age of a stage of history; and age of a time in which the earth and the humans on it were growing and evolving along a particular path, and now we are at a fork in the road on that path. If we go to the left, there will be one kind of ultimate and inevitable outcome. If we go to the right, the outcome will most likely be entirely different. So which is it? What’s it all about?

As you look around your own life, what do you see? Is everything running smoothly? Or…are you experiencing pockets if not buckets of chaos, challenge, financial and relationship challenges that just plain hurt?

Thought leaders and visionaries like Barbara Marx Hubbard, Neale Donald Walsch, Lynne Twist and Dot Maver suggest that our “problems are our evolutionary drivers”. Without our chaos, our challenges, our problems, we would not be driven to evolve our own consciousness to the next level. In Neale Donald Walsch’e new book (he’s still writing it), “The Storm Before the Calm”, he describes exactly this: Without our current problems, we would not be motivated or inspired to stretch outside of our comfort zones and leap into another level of human awareness.

What problem is staring at you today? Is it money? Health? Relationships?

For me today, my problem is about money and sex – do these really go together? Funny combination, right? Well…they are related. And although I’m not sure how to explain their connection, I know they are: I have somehow created my results, and now I have the opportunity to face it, or run away from it.

Everything is energy. Thoughts are things. So…I could ask “how am I creating my current circumstances?”…or…I could ask another kind of question. I could ask a question that is not suggesting that I am to “blame” in some way for my circumstances, but rather, I could simply acknowledge them for what they are and then wonder “how I can use them for my own growth?”

Sooo…what part of me is being invited by my current money crunch? As I ponder, it occurs to me that where there is fear or anxiety right now, another part of me could join the party: that part of me which is full of faith and creativity could step in right now. My “faith” could remind me that I have prevailed, consistently attracted the abundance I have needed, and that having little money in my bank account right now has nothing to do with the reality of how abundant I am!

My “faith” could remind me to “have faith” even when there is no visible evidence, since that is what faith is all about. Things are not what they seem. And…simply because my cash flow is slow right now, I am also more “in tune” with others who have less than I have, who are afraid of having no money. I know what it feels like… Another part of me which could join my party is my “creative” part: how creative can I be in generating new income possibilities? How resourceful can I become in creating new programs and workshops? How motivated am I to create new tools and materials to help more people? This current financial “squeeze” could very well be the impetus for me to create or “give birth” to new ideas, reach out to new clients, find new audiences.

And then…there’s my problem about sex. My lover and I parted ways many months ago. I miss him partly because I miss having a sexual experience. I had become comfortable with him over a period of several years; now, I’m alone: I can’t have sex with just any man…it just doesn’t work for me. So, what do I do about my longing and desire for sex? Well…that conundrum invites me to wonder about what sex brings to the table for me. After all, I lived in a sexless marriage for many years and it didn’t kill me – well, not exactly. Now that I’ve re-ignited my sexual energies, I need an outlet… But…who says sexual energy can only be experienced in the act of “having sex”? Isn’t sex about connection, about creation, about intimacy, and about feeling intensely alive? Can’t people who are alone also feel alive?

Everything is energy. Thoughts are things. What am I making it mean that I don’t have a lover right now? Is something “wrong” with me? Am I “incomplete” because I do not have a sexual partner? What part of me is being invited to participate in this problem? Oh! Those two parts that joined my financial problem…TRUST and CREATIVITY. Hmmm…Well: Am I to trust that the Universe has something wonderful planned for me? Am I to trust that just as I attracted my ex-lover, I can attract a new and wonderful lover for me? Maybe. Am I also to trust that whether or not I have a lover, I’m still a sexual sensuous woman who is sexy, partner or no partner? Am I also invited to bring my “creative” self to the party and imagine ways that I could use my sexual energy in creative ways? Yes. I know of artists, musicians, composers, authors, and visionaries who have used and continue to use their sexual energies in the service of their creative activities. That passionate energy which we dedicate to being a lover of another human being is an energy we can channel in many different directions. I can acknowledge my longings, my passions, my desires; I can allow myself to feel everything that is natural to feel as a sexual being. And then…I can choose to use that energy to create.

I can create a new friendship, nurture old friendships, write a new book, write a poem, sing a song, create a dinner party… All of this is in my control. The lover is not far away. I have faith.

You and I are each co-creators of our lives, each moment of each day. The extent to which we allow ourselves to be fully human, to feel our emotions, to be our sensuous selves, to be open to access our intuitive sensitivities, is the extent to which we are engaging in our own evolution.

You and I are “evolutionaries” – we have the power to shift the direction human beings are traveling on this journey we call life. One human being at a time. Start with yourself. Today.

Blessings always,
Sheila

Can you suffer disappointment, not win the race, the prize, the job, the lover, the contract…but still see yourself as a winner???

Yes! I know you can, because I have experienced it many times — and most recently…last week!

Sometimes, the greatest achievements occur after someone has experienced extreme disappointment, suffered defeat after defeat, only to rise to the highest level of their abilties BECAUSE of the disappointments that propelled them forward.

I’m telling you my most recent disappointment, because we all have them, but how we handle them is what really tells the story and defines who we are. We can be disappointed. But not stopped. We may not win the race or the contest, but it doesn’t mean we are loser. There are many ways to be winners…

Last week, I flew to Chicago to attend a “Celebrate Your Life” conference. It was important to me to attend for several reasons, but of primary interest for me was the possibility of hearing my name announced as the winner of a contest. Back in February, I entered my new book (still completing it!) “WRINKLED, AGELESS & SEXY” in a contest. After three months of voting, submissions, writing, struggling, waiting and hanging by my fingernails, I made it to the finals! I was a finalist – one of four final contestants – in the “Next Top Self-Help Author” book contest: the winner would be announced, and there was a 25% chance that the name announced would be mine!

I caught an early-morning flight from New York to Chicago, arriving ten minutes before the announcement. I rushed into the ballroom, shoved my luggage in a corner and took a seat near the front of the room. My heart was pounding. Would the winner’s name be mine? For several weeks, I had felt that strong “hunch” that I would be the winner: each time I survived another round of the contest, my entire body was vibrating with excitement with that possibility. Finally…it was down to four finalists. Randy Davila, CEO of Hampton Roads Publishing walked up to the stage to announce the winner: “And the winner is….a Life Coach from…California…Martha Burge….” My heart sunk, my energy drained out of my body as if someone had sucked it all out with a large syringe.

No. My name was not the one announced. For weeks, I had imagined: “and the winner is….a Life Coach from…New York…Sheila Pearl.” But that was not the outcome. Martha has a fabulous book. She deserves to win. Actually, each of the finalists deserved to “win”. And so we do actually win…we don’t really lose at all!

Yes, it is true: in such a contest, only one person gets the prize; Martha gets the contract to publish her book with Conari Press. That is wonderful for her and understandably disappointing for the three of us whose name was not called out. For Craig, Michelle and me, however, we did not lose! Nope! Not at all: first, we became finalists, which means we prevailed and commanded the attention of the judging panel through four rounds of the contest, which began with over 700 contestants from all over the world. Second, each of us has either completed or all-but-completed writing our book. Third, each of us has successfully completed the book proposal – which I now know is probably the most difficult aspect of writing any book! But, for each of us, it is already done. Ready to submit to other literary agents and prospective publishers.

The winner of the “Next Top Self-Help Author” book contest does have an enviable distinction: she can call herself the “Next Top Author” and it sounds really wonderful! However…the winner of this or any other similar contest has not had the advantage of working with a literary agent; it is the agent who negotiates for the author to command a sweet advance and optimum contract terms. A winner of a contest has no agent and is required to accept the contract offered, which may not necessarily be the best possible terms.

The conference I attended was also important for another reason: in one place over a period of four days, some of the world’s greatest thought leaders were assembled to speak and teach. It was a paradise for any seeker of wisdom and anyone, like myself, who has as a goal to become one of the thought leaders in the world. For the few days I attended this conference, I sat at the feet of the masters, drinking in the cutting-edge thinking and wisdom teachers of consciousness evolution and paradigm shifting – so necessary in our point in history, and so important for me, as I continue to craft my own messages for publication.

Did I win the contest? Nope. But…did I lose? Not at all! I won much more than a contest and there was no way I could lose. By entering the contest, I also took a course in how to write a book and get your book published. The whole course cost me $97. I learned worlds about myself as an aspiring published bestselling author. I learned what needs to be done to stay on track, to get the job done, and to keep going when it is inconvenient, difficult and extremely challenging. I learned how to form a team, discovering that no author creates a viable book without a team. I learned how to ask for help and how to receive it.

Most important: I learned that in the face of disappointment, there is simply another level of determination and persistence that is being invited by the situation. I have also learned to re-define “winning” – winning is about believing in yourself, even if you have no tangible evidence; winning is about hearing “it’s not you” and be inspired to stand tall and keep going.

Blessings and hugs,
Sheila


© 2008 lifecoachsheila.com