HOW WILL YOU DECIDE?

I have a decision to make; I am faced with making a choice. It is about “this” vs. “that”; it is about “yes” or “no”; choosing to move or stay put, to go to the right or the left, to add something or divest myself of something.

Each day of our lives is filled with making choices, decisions, and distinctions.

“Do I take that new job offer?” or “Do I pursue this relationship?” or “Do I take this course of study?” or “Do I buy this new house?” or “Do I have another child?” – these are the kinds of questions you and I are asking ourselves; these are the kinds of choices and decisions we are in the midst of making in our lives. How do we decide?

Where do you go for guidance? How deeply do you trust your own guidance? I want to suggest that your best guidance can be found within yourself. Trust yourself to gather the information from the “experts” in the field related to your dilemma. Consider their advice: how does it related to your situation? Act only on what feels right for you. Ask yourself: what does your whole being (your mind, body and spirit) say “Yes” to? You are the only expert for our own life.

Melody Beattie said: “I never know what the next lesson is going to be, because we’re not supposed to know; we’re supposed to trust ourselves to discover it….I trust so much in the power of the heart and the soul; I know that the answer to what we need to do next is in our own hearts. All we have to do is listen, then take that one step further and trust what we hear. We will be taught what we need to learn.”

I have a client who is on the “horns of a dilemma” regarding returning to her husband and working on her marriage, or pursuing the paperwork with a divorce and moving on in her life. There is a great deal at stake: children, financial security, emotional stability, community and family relationships and connections – there is a long list, but these are some of the more elementary issues. After having drawn out all the “pros” and “cons” of her situation, looking squarely at the factors which are more concrete and obvious, I have suggested that she consult with herself – her inner self. It has been important for her to explore the various factors, and to also consult with the “experts” in these arenas: finances, terms of separation and divorce agreement, options for starting over in terms of her own living arrangements, the emotional impact, and then the spiritual questions of what “gifts” this relationship has to offer.

As a Spiritual Life Coach, I mentor my clients in exploring themselves on a spiritual level: what gift or blessing is inside this difficult situation? How am I being invited by this situation to grow and stretch? Which “hot buttons” does this relationship or situation continue to push? How can I empower myself to grow both inside this situation and as a result of being in it?

With the client who was considering divorce – having gone so far as to visit an attorney and have the papers drawn – she looked at herself differently, after our various conversations. In looking at herself differently and taking responsibility for her own role in the conflicts with her husband, she began to look at him differently, as well. In owning her own role in their difficulties, she stopped pointing the finger of blame at him; when she shifted her glance from blaming him and therefore feeling like a victim, she shifted her perspective. In shifting her perspective generally, she shifted her emotional climate and attitude specifically: she began to see her husband as a man who was doing the best he could under the circumstances, and saw him with compassionate eyes, rather than angry eyes. Her anger was then replaced by compassion, and that space allowed love to step back into their relationship. I had suggested that before throwing in the towel – having so much at stake – in the very least, she had the option to “try again” and to “do whatever it takes” to explore growth inside the relationship.

Eventually, my client was successful in her desire to bring her husband with her to our conversations. He was a courageous man, willing to step into the unknown territory of growth and expansion in his marriage. He was up for the task. He loved his wife. We discovered in our journey together that he had a “love language” which was different from hers. I introduced the book “The 5 Love Languages” to them and used many of the exercises in this wonderful little book. This couple began to appreciate the differences in their languages of love and began to learn to speak a “foreign language” in order to create a new and viable relationship.

As James Thornton said: “Ultimately, we must learn to trust ourselves. When we do this intimately and intelligently, the world opens full of meaning before us. We find that we ourselves are the doorway to a fathomless understanding of the source of life itself. We need only to learn to walk through it.”

What dilemma or decision do you want to make today? How are you guiding yourself? To whose voice are you listening? How will you decide?

Let me hear from you – let’s talk!

With love and blessings
Sheila