Is it possible that you, or someone you know and care about, are addicted to suffering?

I know it may sound strange, but some people — more than you might imagine — actually become attached to suffering, as if it is an old and familiar friend. For many, “suffering” does become that old and familiar friend — hard to let go of, hard to break away from…Suffering can become a dangerous addiction; an unhealthy way and and ultimately an unfulfilling way to feel alive.

It is true: many people persist in the habit of suffering in order to feel more alive: SUFFERING IS AN UNHEALTHY and UNFULFILLING WAY TO FEEL ALIVE! Many people hold onto their suffering because it is a way to feel alive…almost like an antidote to feeling numb. Suffering is the ego’s way of feeling important.

Arielle Ford has discussed the addiction to suffering in her newsletter today, and has also linked us to her friend Kute Blackson who wrote a beautiful blog on this topic. As Arielle wisely says, “whether you are a businessman or a buddha, pain is inevitable. There is no way to avoid it. Just by virtue of being in a human body there will be some pain. Trying to avoid pain will only create more suffering. Embrace pain to release yourself from suffering. Suffering is optional. Suffering is a choice.”

What I know from my own experence in life with with working with hundreds of clients every year is that suffering comes from you “story” about what is happening in your life and less about what is actually happening. What is happening is simply what is happening. The suffering part comes from all your interpretations you make up and the meaning you assign to your specific experience. Change your story and you will change your reality within yourself.

I’m sharing here below some of the fabulous information in Kute’s blog so that more people have the benefit of this thinking.

My hope and prayer for you and those you love is that you become liberated from the addiction to suffering, so that you can discover healthy ways to feel alive and transformative ways to feel important – here are some tools for you, the day after “Liberation Day”:


1. RESIST EVERYTHING – resist what is. Resist reality. Fight against what is happening in your life with all your might. This is a guaranteed method to suffer.

KEY SOLUTION: Accept what is, so that you can then decide how to shift it.

2. HOLDING THE BELIEF – “The experience that is happening to me should not happen to me. I should be having some other experience than the one I am having. This shouldn’t be happening to me.” You have probably heard yourself doing some version of this. It just keeps you stuck.

KEY SOLUTION: Embrace your current experience. Your current experience is the experience that you are meant to be having because you are having it right now. Trust, and focus on what you can learn and how you can grow. The experience is here to help you evolve.

3. FOCUSING ON ALL THE THINGS YOU CANNOT CONTROL – This will only cause you to feel completely helpless and disempowered. It will leave you in a state of worry and anxiety. Some of us are professional “worriers.” No matter ho much you worry it doesn’t actually change the situation. Once you are done worrying, the situation will be the same. Worrying is a waste of time.

KEY SOLLUTION: Focus on what you can control. Take actions that are in your power, step by step.

4. REFUSING TO CHANGE – Keep doing the same thing over and over again and hoping for a different result. Well, as Einstein said, that is the definition of insanity. Are you so set in your ways that you are afraid of giving up the known suffering for the unknown possibility of happiness?

KEY SOLUTION: Embrace change. Be willing to do something different. Let go. Go into the unknown. Take different actions.

5. GIVE UP YOUR RESPONSIBILTY – Be a victim. Play the blame game making everyone else at fault or responsible for your life and how you feel. Unless you take responsibility for your current experience then you are powerless to change it.

KEY SOLUTION: Take full responsibility for your current reality and decide what changes you are committed to making. Give up blame.

6. FOCUS ON EVERYTHING THAT IS WRONG IN YOUR LIFE – Whether a relationship or a person. When you focus on what is wrong, you will surely find what is wrong. You will end up creating more of what is wrong to feel wrong about. Then the negative cycle continues.

KEY SOLUTION: Start focusing on what you are grateful for. Remember all your blessings, and appreciate that daily. What you appreciate, expands. What you thank about, comes about.

7. DENIAL – Lie to yourself and others. Pretend that everything is fine when you know that it isn’t. When you avoid facing what is, you end up staying stuck and repeating the same patterns of pain, and relationship. This only ends up prolonging your suffering.

KEY SOLUTION: Tell the truth to yourself first. Tell the truth to those in your life. Be honest. Face reality.

Life is too short to waste spent suffering. Most of what you worry about today you won’t even remember a few months from now. Most of what you are trying to change in people today, you won’t care about on your deathbed.

You hold the padlock and you hold the key to your freedom. YOU CHOOSE!

To learn more about Kute, please visit

With blessings and smiles,